her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
