so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
