Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
