Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
