brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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