Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
