My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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