I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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