i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
