i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
