at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
