My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
