YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
