I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
