Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
