Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
