my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
