lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
