is your mom at the bar?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
