Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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