I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
