How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
