Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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