I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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