She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
