those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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