Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just pee around me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
