Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
