her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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