Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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