This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
