I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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