Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
