I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
