piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
