I hate your face
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
