help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
