remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
