People with herpes should wear stickers.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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