So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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