I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
