i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
