you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Randomize
