Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
operation have a gay friend backfired
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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