I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
