I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
