I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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