last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I need to calm my uterus...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
