Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
