either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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