that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You were trust falling into bushes
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
