were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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